Mental Health: The Sunnah of Countering Negative Emotions With Positive Actions
There’s a hadith I’ve heard a million times. It’s one of those that you hear all through Sunday school and then over and over again in various khutbahs and talks.
It’s the famous story about when the Prophet (s) said, “A man from the people of Paradise is coming upon you now.” An Ansari man whose beard was wet from wudu came into the masjid. The next night, he (s) said the same thing, and the same man entered. And the next night as well.
Abdullah ibn Amr followed the man and made an excuse about having an argument with his father and needing a place to stay. He stayed with him for 3 nights, but did not observe anything particularly noteworthy about his actions that would make him stand out as a person of Paradise.
Abdullah then explained his true intention in coming to stay with him and asked him why the Prophet (s) spoke so highly of him. He said, “I am as you have seen, except that I have no malice toward any of the believers and I do not envy anyone because of the good that Allah has given them” (Musnad).
It’s a hadith that is simple to understand, but takes a little bit of life experience (i.e. the longer you live, the more you might interact with people give you a reason to hold malice or resentment) to appreciate.
I’ve always heard this hadith explained in an action oriented way - that every night, we should make a conscious effort to forgive those who may have wronged us and clear our hearts of grudges for the sake of Allah.
This showcases a simple yet potent formula: When you feel a negative emotion, counter it with a positive action.
If you feel envy toward someone, counter the emotion by making dua for Allah to increase them and bless you with the thing you feel envious of.
When the Prophet (s) found a companion sitting in the masjid looking distressed due to the burdens of debt, he taught him a dua to counter those feelings of anxiety.
When someone in his presence got visibly angry, he (s) told him to counter that feeling by seeking refuge in Allah.
He (s) taught us to deal with negative feelings toward others with the positive action of giving a gift - “Give gifts, for indeed the gift removes bad feelings from the chest” (Tirmidhi).
He taught us a specific dua to counter feelings of helplessness - “'The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although both are good. Strive for that which will benefit you, seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless. If anything befalls you, do not say, ‘if only I had done such and such,’ rather say, ‘Qaddara Allahu wa ma sha'a fa'ala (Allah has decreed and whatever he wills, He does).’ For (saying) ‘If’ opens (the door) to the deeds of Satan.” (ibn Majah).
The reason that many people will fail to implement this, despite the simplicity of the concept itself, is that they will not properly do the work of dealing with the negative emotion.
Take the emotion of envy as an example. We know it is bad, and yet we can’t stop feeling that way. So we start to think something is wrong with us and start to feel shame. We compound one negative emotion with another, and that sends us in a downward spiral.
We think we should not feel these emotions in the first place. Or we think we should be able to just get over them. Or we think we can just have positive thoughts and make them go away. Or we react by distracting ourselves, or engaging in numbing behaviors.
It is unrealistic to think we can somehow avoid these emotions or simply will them away.
“By his very nature, it is not possible for man to keep his soul in perpetual tranquility and peace without being subjected to anger, fear, distress and similar psychological symptoms. This world (dunya) is the abode of anxiety, sadness, worry, and calamity.” Abu Zayd al-Balkhi, Sustenance of the Soul
Instead of guilt, we must practice self-compassion. That means accepting how you feel. You may feel envy, anxiety, anger, or resentment. By allowing yourself to feel what you feel, you can then choose the appropriate response.
As an example, when you find yourself feeling resentment toward someone, you can choose one of two responses. You can beat yourself up, say astaghferullah, I shouldn’t feel this way. Avoid that person. Vent about your resentment to others. Let the negative feelings ruminate in your heart for weeks or months trying to get rid of them. OR - you can acknowledge to yourself, I am feeling resentment toward this person. I am going to respond by taking a specific action, aligned with my Islamic values, and counter that emotion by getting them a gift..
The most powerful example of this for me is in the following hadith:
"None of you should wish for death due to any affliction, which might have affected him. But if he feels compelled to wish for it (due to extreme distress that he feels he cannot bear), he should say: “O Allah! Grant me life as long as life is better for me, and let me die when death is better for me” (Bukhari & Muslim).
It speaks to a condition in which someone has reached such a point of desperation that they feel death is the only outlet. There is no reprimand by the Prophet (s) for feeling distressed. Rather, he directs a person feeling this to counter it with a specific dua.
Mood follows action.
When you take the appropriate action, the emotions will follow.
Some may read this and dismissively say that it sounds like the answer to everything is just to make dua. The response to this is that the dua we make must be in alignment with the difficulty we are facing. If we make a half-hearted or generic dua, then we cannot expect much to change. We must work to improve our dua, not discard it for lesser alternatives.
One of the benefits of learning about Allah’s Names and Attributes in detail is that it teaches us better ways of calling upon Him. We should learn those Names which are in alignment with the issue we are facing and beseech Him accordingly.
Unfortunately, there is still a stigma in our community when it comes to the broader topics of mental health. Even recently, I have seen Muslims sharing sentiments on social media like - “Forget psychiatrists! My cure for depression is going to the gym 3x a week!” Snarky comments like this not only run in direct opposition to the Prophetic guidance shared above, but they compound the problem by discouraging or belittling people from taking action in regards to their mental health.
It takes a high level courage and discipline to deal with your emotions in a healthy way, to seek out professional help, and do the work of countering those emotions with positive action.
