The Powerful Sunnah of Small Moments
Last updated October 23, 2021
Click here to listen to a khutbah on this topic (from my podcast).
Can you actually change someone’s life with a brief interaction?
We have millions upon millions of interactions and experiences, and yet, there only a few that are truly memorable or life-changing.
The Prophet Muhammad (saw) not only changed lives and created lasting memories for people with small and brief interactions - he gave us the blueprint for doing the same.
Hadith of Umm Ma’bad
“It was narrated that the Messenger (S), his servant, a guide and Abu Bakr (rA) left Mecca, passing a tent of an elderly lady called Umm Ma’bad. She would sit close to the tent and would give food and drink to travelers. So they asked her if they could buy some meat or dates from her but she could not find anything. The Messenger of Allah (s) looked towards a sheep next to the tent. They had run out of provisions and where hungry. The Prophet (s) asked Umm Ma’bad, “What is wrong with this sheep, dear Umm Ma’bad?”
She replied, “The sheep is fatigued and is weaker than the other sheep.”
He said, “Does it milk?”
She replied, “I swear by your mother and father, if I saw milk from it then I would milk it.” The Prophet (s) called the sheep and moved his hand over its udder; he pronounced the name of Allah and praised him. Then he called Umm Ma’bad when the sheep steadied its feet and its udder filled. He asked for a large container and milked it until it was filled. The lady drank until full, his companions drank until full, then the others drank. Then it was milked for a second time until the container was full and they left her and continued on their journey.
After a short while, Abu Ma’bad returned from herding goats that were swaying from weakness. He saw the milk and said to his wife, “Where did you get this milk from, dear Umm Ma’bad. The sheep is single and there is no milk in the house!”
She replied, “I swear by God, a blessed man came to us today”
Abu Ma’bad said, “Describe him to me.” She then began her description.
"His cleanliness was apparent, his face was luminous, he had a handsome disposition. He did not have a protruding stomach, nor did he have a small head. He was handsome and well proportioned. His eyes had wideness, his eyelashes were long, and in his voice was a raspiness/crackle and his neck was long.
The white of his eyes is extremely white, and the black of his eyes is extremely black. It was as if he had kohl (eyeliner the Arabs used) on naturally. He had a natural arching of his eyebrows, and they looked like they met. His hair was extremely black.
When he was silent he would be enveloped in an aura of respect, and if he spoke it was like a light protruding from him. He was the most beautiful of people from far and the most beautiful from up close. His speech was sweet, it was not short, or very long. It was as if his speech were beads of a necklace (each falling perfectly into place).
His height does not harm and the eye is not taken over by him, a branch between two branches, he is more radiant than them and he is most respected. His companions would surround him when he spoke they would listen attentively, and when he gave an order they hastened to it fully without frowning or refusing.
Abu Ma’bad responded, “I swear by Allah, he is the one Quraysh mentioned to us about his affair in Makkah. I am determined to accompany him; if I could go that way” (Translation from MuslimMatters.org).
This was the only time Umm Ma’bad was to meet the Prophet (s). It was a passing moment in his journey of the hijrah - a rest stop. Yet, it had a profound impact on Umm Ma’bad, and gave us a hadith that serves as a foundation for understanding the physical appearance of the Prophet (s).
How can we make the passing moments of our lives ones that can change the lives of others?
Transform Someone’s Day In Less than 5 Seconds
Anas ibn Malik (rA) tells us that a man was with the Prophet (s) when another man passed by and he said, “O Messenger of Allah, I love this man.” The Prophet (s) said to him, “Have you told him?” He said, “No.” He (s) said: “Tell him” (Abu Dawud).
Have you ever had someone come up to you and tell you they love you for the sake of Allah? Or received a text from a friend saying that?
No matter what is going on that day, this is a small moment that can immediately transform your entire mood and boost your energy. You can uplift someone who is down with one simple, thoughtful moment.
The Prophet (s) said to Mu’adh (rA), “By Allah, I love you, Mu'adh. I give some instruction to you. Never leave off reciting this supplication after every (obligatory) prayer: "O Allah, help me in remembering You, in giving You thanks, and worshipping You well" (Abu Dawud).
The instruction here would be complete without the remark at the beginning. The Prophet (s) is affirming his love for Mu’adh - and imagine how it must have made him feel - before giving him advice. It is not conceivable that Mu’adh would ever leave this action after hearing it from the Prophet (s) in this manner.
We encounter dozens of people throughout the course of a normal day at work, or school, grabbing lunch, and so on. There are countless interactions we have that are neither negative nor positive. What if those could become positive interactions?
The Prophet (s) said, “Do not view any good act as insignificant, even the act of meeting your brother with a cheerful face” (Muslim).
We never know what someone is dealing with on a given day. A smile and a warm greeting can bring a moment of happiness and positivity to someone’s life. We should never underestimate the impact of that.
If that is the impact on a stranger, then what is the impact on those close to us? This is an approach that can transform the dynamics within a family. A smiling welcome can be the difference in looking forward to coming home instead of dreading it. Affirming our love for someone without prompting can be the difference between them taking our advice and direction instead of ignoring it.
Thank Someone with Dua
"Whoever is not grateful to the people, he is not grateful to Allah” (Tirmidhi).
Expressing sincere gratitude to someone is the easiest way to positively reinforce good conduct. When we put effort and work into something, a general thank you is nice. When someone looks at our work, points out that they can recognize the effort we put into it, and then appreciates that work - it makes our day. It makes us want to do put forth that same effort all over again.
Abdullah ibn Abbas (rA) said told us that one time the Prophet (s) went to relieve himself and he realized that the Prophet (saw) would need to make wudu, so he brought him some water and waited for him. When the Prophet(saw) came out, he inquired about who brought the water. Then he made this dua for ibn Abbas, “O Allah teach him this deen and its interpretation” (Bukhari).
Ibn Abbas held a reputation as one of the Companions most well-versed in the explanation of the Qur’an.
Dua is oft-neglected and underrated. We need to revive the practice of making dua regularly for other people. It is an easy way to recognize and repay someone for even the smallest acts of kindness.
Small Moments Create Long-Lasting and Positive Memories
Jabir bin Samurah (rA) tells us about a time when he prayed dhuhr with the Prophet (s) as a young child. He said that the Prophet (s) went to his house after prayer and he walked with him. As the Prophet (saw) was walking, he would wipe his hands on the cheeks of the kids passing by. Jaabir said that he never smelled a fragrance that was more beautiful than the fragrance of the hand of the Prophet (s) (Muslim).
It is amazing to think that this particular memory from childhood sticks out for Jabir (rA). The Prophet (s), in essence, is being himself. He hasn’t done anything out of the ordinary, and yet, he has created this powerful lifelong memory for Jabir. Not only that, but it is a positive memory closely tied to prayer and attending the masjid.
Someone asked Jabir bin Samurah (rA), “Did you used to sit with the Messenger of Allah (s)?" He said, "Yes. When the Messenger of Allah (s) had prayed fajr, he would sit there until the sun rose, and his companions would talk and remember things from the time of Jahilliyah, and recite poetry, and they would laugh, and he would smile” (Nasai).
Jabir shows us in these two hadith the types of memories that stick out. It is the happiness of the small day to day moments. It is not a major event, or expedition that he associates with spending time with the Prophet (s). Rather, it is the casual conversation and what we would refer to as hanging out.
The authors of The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have an Extraordinary Impact note that we tend to remember the positive and negative notes of an experience. If you go out for dinner and they surprise you with a free decadent dessert - you’ll remember that. Not only that, but the positive memory will cause your mind to label the entire dinner as a positive experience. This is despite not being able to later recall what appetizers you ordered, who your server was, or any of the other details of the evening. The one positive hook is what has a lasting impact.
Small Moments to Avoid Creating Negative Memories
The same example carries over to negative experiences as well. If you had a particularly rude server, or you accidentally stained your favorite shirt - the negative experience will be what you associate with the entire dinner even if everything else was amazing.
Understanding the power of small moments makes the seerah of the Prophet (s) that much more miraculous. Every detail of his life is documented, and we do not find any Companions narrating any type of negative interaction with the Prophet (s).
Anas (rA) tells us, “I served the Prophet (s) for 10 years and he never said ‘uff’ to me even once. He never said about something I did, ‘why did you do that?’ And he never said why did you do such and such if I forgot something” (Adab al-Mufrad).
Anas tells us another story. He says, “The Prophet (s) had the best character. One day he sent me to do something for him. I told him that I wouldn’t go play with the other kids, and I left the house to do what the Prophet (s) asked. But when I passed by the other kids playing in the market, I stopped and stood with them. The next thing I noticed was the Prophet (s) standing behind me with his hand on the back of my neck. I looked back and saw him smiling and he asked me if I did what he asked, and I said yes I am going right now!” (Abu Dawud).
Pay close attention to the start of the narration. He says the Prophet (s) has the best character. The memory he recalls that compels him to say this statement is a small, passing moment. Anyone who has kids knows how many times a day we have similar interactions. Every parent knows the frustration of kids not listening and getting distracted. It is the composure and character of the Prophet (s) in these small moments that causes him to be remembered so fondly.
When people pass away, we hear statements like - that person was always smiling, this person was so generous, that person sacrificed a lot for their family, and so on. An entire lifetime of a person is summarized in one or two small reflections. These reflections do not come as a result of a singular incident, but they come from a lifetime of consistent behavior that causes people to remember them in such a way.
Use Small Moments to Make Others Feel Valued
Anas ibn Malik tells us about a companion named Zaahir ibn Hiraam Al-Ashja’ee. He was a resident of the wilderness, and whenever he visited the Prophet (s) he brought with him presents from the wilderness such as vegetables and presented them to the Prophet (s). When he intended to leave Madinah, Rasoolullah (s) used to present him with provisions of the city. Once, the Prophet (s) said, "Zaahir is our wilderness, and we are his city." He (s) was attached to him. Zaahir (rA) was not very handsome. The Prophet (s) once approached him while he was selling his merchandise. He (s) caught him in between the arms from the back in such a manner that Zaahir could not see him. Zaahir said, "Who is this? Leave me." But when he saw with the corner of his eye that it was the Prophet (s), he straightened his back and began pressing it to his chest. (For as long as he gained this opportunity it was better than a thousand gifts).
The Prophet (s) then said, "Who will purchase this slave?" Zaahir replied, "O Messenger of Allah, if you shall sell me, you will be selling a defective thing, and will earn a very small sum." The Prophet (s) said, "No, you are not defective in the sight of Allah, but very valuable” (Shama’il).
We have all experienced moments where someone’s encouragement, or their belief in us, was transformational. A photographer may never have pursued photography were it not for someone telling them they had a good eye for it. All of us suffer from self-doubt in one form or another. The powerful thing about encouragement from others is that sometimes we only need to hear one statement to give us the confidence to go down a certain path. And when we seek that person out to than them, they may not even remember saying that thing which changed our lives!
This is the power of small moments. They can leave a lasting and positive impact in the life of someone else, and require little to no effort on our parts.
What it does require, however, is attention and sincerity. The believers should be the ones who bring positivity and uplift those they interact with.
