American Idol Syndrome: Fixing the Broken Feedback Loop
The camera picks up on an average looking guy in line to audition. He enthusiastically talks about winning this season of American Idol. He says he’s got the look, the voice, the charisma, and everything else needed to win. It’s been his dream. It’s his passion. He’s obsessed about it since childhood.
Then they show a montage. A picture from the one-stoplight town he grew up in. Interviews with friends bragging about his singing abilities and how he sings at all their events. The hype is building. They assure us he’s ready to win. The judges will be wowed by his performance.
Finally, he walks in. He has an unassuming confidence that indicates this is going to go either go really good or really bad.
He gathers himself and starts singing. Or starts screeching depending on how you want to describe it.
The judges stop him after only a few lines and tell him to do humanity a favor and never sing in public again.
He’s devastated.
He cannot process this feedback. He can’t accept it. These experts are telling him he does not have the skill to pursue this. The very people he was hoping would give him his big break have not just popped the bubble of his dream - they took a chainsaw to it.
Through tears, he vows to prove everyone wrong and show them what a mistake they’ve made. His friends back him up, assuring him that the judges simply can’t handle his level of awesomeness.
We know how the story ends. He’ll continue chasing this dream unsuccessfully, he’ll never prove anyone wrong, and he’ll always believe he is truly talented.
The truly painful part of this story is not the fate of that individual. The painful part is that we can see this story as an analogy to so much work in our community.
It’s the terrible khateeb that greets a line of people every Friday assuring him that he did amazing. It’s the leader who is confident that people love him when they can barely tolerate him. It’s the successful Muslim business owner that everyone calls upon - but they hate working with. It’s an amazing teacher that’s never on time.
The commonality underlying all these stories is they all have blind spots that can be fixed - with proper feedback. Drinking your own Kool-Aid is fun and comforting, but it doesn’t actually help you grow.
Regardless of the type of work you do, or what kind of contribution you make to the community, an ongoing feedback process is vital.
This process has 3 primary components.
1) Solicit Targeted Feedback
Identify the stakeholders of your work, and ask them probing questions about your performance. For example, if you are a Sunday school teacher, you need to have constant conversations with parents. Ask them questions like - what lessons from class did your child mention at home during the week? Was there anything they were confused about that you had to end up clarifying to them?
Those in the role of delivering talks or classes will almost always receive at least a few compliments after. Use this as an opportunity to ask a probing question. Thank them for sharing their feedback, and follow it up by asking what about the talk in particular resonated with them. This provides valuable information on what to build off of moving forward.
If you are volunteering and working in some type of a board or committee structure, then find ways of surveying your team. Seek anonymized feedback on how you work, what can be improved, and advice for improvement.
2) Accountability to a Strong Inner Circle
Your personal shura council is the strongest defense against your own ego. They are the only group of people who will tell you what you need to hear when you need to hear it. They will tell you what your reputation is - feedback others would never dream of sharing directly to your face.
One trap of working for the Muslim community is that as soon as you experience a little bit of success or demonstrate modest results, pressure mounts to do more and do it quickly. I have seen situations where a Muslim leader’s inner circle saw this and pushed him to slow down. Instead of listening, he saw his inner circle as creating fiction and resistance. He then replaced the members of his inner circle with what amounted to yes-men. Over time, both he and his organization suffered significantly (including family) and the dawah work was negatively impacted.
On the other hand, I can think of numerous Muslim leaders who are successful, and one commonality they share is a strong inner circle. This includes family, close friends they have relationships with for many years, and people close to their work who are empowered to speak candidly.
When we get caught up in community work, we tend to put blinders on to a number of things. A strong inner circle who has your best interests at heart and the ability to hold you accountable is vital for long-term success.
“Nothing will sink a leader faster than surrounding him or herself with yes-men and women. Even when principled nay-sayers are wrong, they force leaders to re-evaluate their positions and to poke and proud their assumptions for weaknesses. Good ideas are only made stronger by being challenged.” -Warren Bennis
3) Mindset of Constant Improvement
You must be almost obsessive about treating every task, every job, every project with a mindset of constant improvement. Whether it’s designing a flyer or making an announcement for someone to move their car in the masjid parking lot. Treat each task as an opportunity for you to assess and learn from. What can you do better? What could you change? What would make it more effective?
This last step must be stricter than the first two. This is the step where you are most self-critical. In the Qalam Public Speaking Workshop, one action item we recommend is recording any speech you give and then listening to it on the drive home. That is the only time you will pick up on the dozens of mistakes you made that no one else will be able to point out to you. It’s painful but it must be done.
The moment you settle and are satisfied with your own performance - that’s the exact moment you turn into the crazy American Idol contestant.
