It Will Probably be the Hardest Ramadan Ever, Stop Telling Everyone Its Going to Be The Best
Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported: The Messenger of Allah (saw) entered the mosque one day while a man from the Ansar named Abu Umamah was there. The Prophet said, “O Abu Umamah, what is the matter that I see you sitting in the mosque while it is not time for prayer?” He said, “O Messenger of Allah, I am compelled by anxiety and debts.”
The Prophet said, “Shall I not teach you a word to say by which Allah Almighty will relieve your worry and complete your debt?” He said, “Of course, O Messenger of Allah.” The Prophet said, “Say in the morning and evening: O Allah, I seek refuge in you from hamm (worry) and huzn (sadness). I seek refuge in you from weakness and laziness. I seek refuge in you from cowardice and miserliness. And I seek refuge in you from being overwhelmed by debt and the tyranny of men” (Abu Dawud).
Imagine the scene for a moment in the masjid. A man is sitting there stressed out. Given the situation, I would imagine he was zoned out, staring off into space, and unable to focus on anything else. The Prophet (s) notices his state, the stress and anxiety readily apparent on his face and in his body language, and asks him what the matter is.
Anyone who has dealt with debt understands the stress this person is facing. You wake up and go to sleep thinking about it. Every single waking moment is consumed thinking about how to find a way to pay it off, and fearing what will happen if you don’t. Family time isn’t really family time anymore because, really, how much fun can someone be when they are consumed by a single problem?
This person’s spirituality will be going through a crisis as well. That shouldn’t be confused with a crisis of faith. Think of it this way - how much concentration will this person have in prayer? Every prayer, every dua will be focused on somehow getting out of this desperate situation.
The Prophet (s) teaches this man a dua, and in this dua he teaches him to seek refuge in Allah from hamm and huzn.
Hamm means to make uneasy and fill with anxiety. It is a distress that takes over the mind, heart, and body such that it is the only thing a person can think about. Huzn ss grief that occurs because of an unpleasant event such as the death of a loved one or a distressing situation.
This level of stress and anxiety is beyond the normal issues we might worry about such as anxiety before an important meeting or stressing before an exam.
Due to the COVID-19 crisis, we are dealing with all-encompassing types of stress and anxiety. There is a high level of uncertainty about when this will end and we can leave our homes. Many are worried about the loss of income - layoffs, getting furloughed, or the closing of businesses. We may have employees who we are responsible for and may not be able to make payroll which impacts multiple families.
Those who work for Islamic organizations are having to make tough decisions about laying off staff from their Islamic schools and masjids right before Ramadan.
Some are not sure if they’ll still be able to afford groceries or rent in a few weeks. Nonprofit organizations are running out of funds, and due to the fear of the situation, people are bracing themselves for the worst types of emergencies (financial and otherwise).
People who are high-risk (such as those with respiratory illnesses or immunocompromised) have high anxiety about getting the coronavirus. We are worried about the elderly, our families, and ourselves about getting this virus.
If ever there was something that qualified as all-encompassing stress that makes it impossible to focus on anything else except the thing causing anxiety - this is it.
That is the stage that is set for Ramadan 2020.
It is perplexing, mind-boggling even, to see people utterly neglect this reality while telling people it’s going to be “the best Ramadan ever!”
Statements like:
“For one segment, this will prove to be the worse Ramaḍān of their lives. They won't be able to feel the spirit of the month, and they will drag through the days waiting for the month to end. For another segment, this will be the absolutely all-time best Ramaḍān of their lives. That is because they will discover the pleasure of worshipping Allah in private, and the joys of reciting the Quran, and the serenity that long, quiet prostrations bring in the darkest hours of the night. They will realize that while societal events in previous Ramaḍāns helped them to feel a communal spirit, they came at the cost of personal development.”
Or
“Some folks don't read because they don't have the time, and others don't memorise because they're too busy, and others don't study Islam formally and properly because of too much pressure from work etc. This state of emergency we're all in, is a real trial for us in more ways than just the threat of death. It tests the sincerity of our claims. You now have time, and those same pressures are not there right now: so exert everything you possibly can to become disciplined, benefit yourself, use every second... “
Or
“For once, we’re going to finally experience Ramadān not as a Muslim social phenomenon, but as a month of seclusion with our Lord. No iftar feasts at night that negate whatever self-control we built up during the day. No reprehensible argumentative battles about how many rak’at to pray Tarāwīh.No hanging out with and chatting with your friends at the masjid all night and calling that “i’tikāf”. No moon-sighting wars that are not really about the Sunnah but about when to take time off work and book venues to pray the ‘Eid prayer. What a blessing it is to be granted an opportunity where each one of us can now work on our own selves without any distractions to just be with Allah. And what a loss it would be if we don’t make the most of it.”
That last one is particularly bothersome. You shouldn’t need a global pandemic to find your escape from all the things that annoy you about Ramadan. It’s not some type of a hip retreat where you go and do nothing but worship. It’s a quarantine in which people are losing sleep over life and death problems.
These types of statements, while intended to be motivational, actually compound the stress people are under. Not only do I have to stress about all the issues caused by COVID-19, but now suddenly, if this isn’t my “best Ramadan ever!” then I’m going to feel like even more of a failure.
When someone is under all-encompassing stress and anxiety it’s usually not possible for them to focus on other projects and be productive. Some may have the emotional resilience to persevere, but a lot of people do not. That reality must be recognized.
It is interesting that this dua, after mentioning hamm and huzn, seeks refuge in Allah from weakness, laziness, cowardice, miserliness, being overwhelmed by debt, and from the tyranny of men.
The great Muslim psychologist Abu Zayd al-Balkhi said, “We believe that at the core of all harmful emotional symptoms lies distress or anxiety, al-gham...It is the starting point of all symptoms and their augmenter…. It is distress and anxiety over a fearful situation that precedes the symptom of fear and terror. … Distress and anxiety are the most powerful causes of the psychological illness of the soul…” (Sustenance of the Soul).
The emotions that would prevent a person from focusing on having an amazing Ramadan stem from distress and anxiety caused by situations like the one we are in. When people are struggling is not the time to burden them with unrealistic expectations of having an amazing Ramadan.
We remind each other every Ramadan to take care of folks who don’t have Muslim families - make sure we involve them, and celebrate with them. It is shocking (and perhaps even a bit abhorrent) to turn around and celebrate how amazing this Ramadan will be because we don’t have to deal with people.
Statements like the ones I quoted will only add to the stress and anxiety. If it’s not my best Ramadan, then it automatically means it’s going to be my worst. If I don’t leave this Ramadan having memorized the Qur’an and done all these other things I’ve wanted to do, it means I am insincere to Allah.
We need to frame this Ramadan in a different way. We can still make it a successful Ramadan without pretending it’s some kind of private island vacation getaway engrossed in the unobstructed worship of Allah.
This is going to be a Ramadan of patience and resilience. It’s a Ramadan in which we are being tested. It’s a Ramadan in which we will have to display a heightened sense of courage and bravery by steadying the waters, in spite of our own fears, for those around us such as our children.
That doesn’t mean we aim for mediocrity. It will still be a Ramadan of increased effort. We need to double down and seek our healing in the Qur’an and pour our hearts out in dua. We just need to do it while recognizing the reality of the crisis situation we’re in.
This will be a Ramadan where we learn to truly trust in Allah, accept HIs decree, and remind ourselves that everything He decrees is from His most perfect Wisdom. It will be a Ramadan where we seek contentment and continually remind one another of Allah’s promise that every hardship is followed by ease.
For some people, it really might be their best Ramadan ever. That won’t be the case for a lot of people though, and that’s perfectly alright.
It can still be a successful one.
We pray that Allah lets us see Ramadan, accepts our efforts during that month, and grants us refuge from the stresses and anxieties that burden us.
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